The Darkness without Rose
by Ninja-Werepire96
Summary: The Doctor never really got over the loss of Rose. Gift for OncomingShadowStorm. Contains spoilers. The title doesn't fit much but oh well.


MERRY CHRISTMAS ONCOMINGSHADOWSTORM AKA OTHER ME! :D

Meh, this isn't very Christmas-y but Other Me wanted a dark fic and this was the best I could come up with. (Meaning that I tried to make it dark but made it more sad and depressing than anything.)

Also, this story is AU and contains spoilers for seasons 2-4.

Enjoy

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><p>He hadn't been quite right after Rose had become trapped in the alternate universe.<p>

His hearts had broken as he pressed his hands and head to the void that had been there a matter of seconds before. Rose was gone, trapped in another dimension

the darkness in him grew without someone there to help him fight it back.

He tried _everything_ he could to get her back but in the end, he had to settle for burning up a sun to simply say goodbye.

He couldn't even say goodbye or tell Rose that he loved her too because that _stupid_ sun burned up too quickly.

The Time Lord had broken down and collapsed into the seat of the TARDIS, sobbing his eyes out. He stayed in that position for hours, the tears just didn't stop coming and the Doctor found no reason to try stop them.

He left everything that belonged to Rose as it was when she was still there. He just couldn't bring himself to move anything. It would just prove that he was alone again.

The Doctor didn't want to be alone again. Didn't want to be without Rose. He'd been alone _far_ too long before Rose. It wasn't fair. They didn't have enough time together. All the time in the universe wouldn't have been long enough to the Doctor.

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><p>The TARDIS felt his pain, for she too cared for Rose Tyler, so she made sure to never move Rose's room. She made a copy of Rose's room so that if something were to happen to the original, the Doctor would still have something to remember her by.<p>

Maybe, _just maybe,_ by doing that she could help her Time Lord overcome his loss.

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><p>When he first met Donna, she took notice of Rose's jacket.<p>

She mentioned it to him and pained him to speak of her. Donna, who wasn't known to be the most sensitive person out there, took note of this and realised that whoever Rose was had been very important to him and decided it would be best to stop talking about her.

The Doctor had been glad for this, the pain of losing Rose still affecting him deeply, and tried to focus on helping Donna instead of focusing on the darkness he felt growing in him.

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><p>Martha had tried to help him, she really did, but the pain of losing Rose was still fresh, blocking out her attempts to help him.<p>

After some time, Martha left to lead a normal life and eventually the Doctor found a new companion. Or rather, she found him.

Donna Noble had been good for him, she stopped the darkness from spreading any further than it had. Stopped him from becoming insane.

Then Jenny came along. And it hurt to look at her because she looked _just_ like he'd imagined his daughter would look like if he'd ever started a family with Rose. And he didn't want to be reminded of Rose with others around.

Thus he tried to keep himself detached from her.

But just like Rose, she wormed her way through his defences and into his heart and he'd come to accept Jenny. Allowed himself to become attached to her and loved her.

So, for a some time, he thought he'd never be alone again. Thought it would be him, Jenny and Donna in the TARDIS forever. Him, his best friend (second only to Rose) and his daughter.

For that brief time, his world became less troubled, less dark and he became . . . happy, for a lack of better word, once again.

But then she had been shot, she died and the Doctor could do nothing weep and hold her body.

His already splintered sanity fractured even more until it could barely be called sanity.

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><p>Then he got his Rose back, he wanted her to stay <em>so<em> much, but the Doctor knew he had to take her back despite wanting to be selfish _just this once_ and keep her with him in the TARDIS, where she belonged.

The Doctor knew Rose would be badly effected by this too so to make the pain more bearable for her, he left his metacrisis with Rose. He decided he'd rather let her grow old with a half-human version of himself so that at least one of them could be happy.

Rose had been the burning sun in his darkness. She had saved him from the darkness after they had met. Turning him from a merciless killer into the compassionate man he had been when they had been together.

He knew Rose could change the metacrisis just as she had changed him.

He walked away as Rose and the metacrisis kissed and headed back to Donna, the red head who had helped ease his pain.

The TARDIS door closed on Dalig Ulv Stranden, also known as Bad Wolf Bay, and Rose forever and dematerialised.

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><p>The Doctor knew what he had to do next. He had to remove Donna's memories and leave her behind.<p>

With nothing left, apart from the TARDIS, the Doctor was consumed by his darkness. His sanity completely destroyed.

He no longer saved people because he wanted to, he did it because Rose would have wanted him to.

His thoughts of Rose were the only thing that kept him going, without them he would have surely given up by now. Would've taken a different path to the one he'd taken his whole life.

He would have become a destroyer of planets, colonies, even civilisations. Anything to appease the angry, tormented beast that now resided inside of him.

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><p>Right now the Doctor was stood in a corner on the London streets, the TARDIS was right around the bend but he had frozen. A familiar voice echoed from the direction of the TARDIS.<p>

He watched as a young blonde walked past him. He knew he shouldn't talk to her, knew that it could destroy space and time but he just couldn't prevent himself from crying in pain, the effects of the radiation poisoning becoming too much.

The blonde turned and suddenly he was looking into the face of one Rose Tyler, his best friend and love. The one who his hearts would always belong to.

"You alright mate?" she asks in her soft voice, the one that the Doctor loves so much.  
>"Yeah." she goes on to ask if he'd had too much to drink and he had no choice but to agree.<p>

And all too soon she was walking away. The Doctor asks her what year it is, he had to know if Rose knew who he was. She looks at him link he's mad but informs him that it's the first of January, 2005.

He tells her it'll be a good year for her, remembering that a few months from now would be their first official meeting. Rose smiles and walks away.

The Doctor manages to stumble back to the TARDIS, tears streaming down his face.

Not from the pain, oh no, something _much _worse.

The tears were flowing from seeing Rose again and knowing that she had _no idea_ who he was. And that _killed_ him inside.

He set the TARDIS co-ordinates for somewhere in deep space, trying not to focus on his glowing hand.

"I don't wanna go."

The regeneration process had begun but he didn't want to change. He wanted to stay as the same Doctor that had travelled with Rose but without his handy hand, he had no other choice.

Tears that had only just stopped, started once more.

And as his face changed and the TARDIS was destroyed by the force of his regeneration, he knew  
>that everything would never be the same.<p>

Nothing, even his body, no longer had the impression that Rose left behind. The TARDIS central area where he and Rose shared so many moments was gone. Her room and whatever belongings she had left behind was most likely gone, the TARDIS was heavily damaged after all.

And _nothing _could kill him more.

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><p>Funny story, this originally started out as a dark 11th Doctor but I liked this better.<p>

And I actually cried while writing the part about Jenny and some of Rose's parts, that's the first time my own writing has made me cry.

Werepire out!


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